Following article is a comment converted into a blog post . Posted by a reader named Civil in Comments Section of Don’t Come to USA, If You Are Highly Educated and Successful in Your Life
I have been in USA for past 2+ years. Life is very comfortable. No everyday hassles, good standard of living. Off course not comparable to India.
But does only material comforts make you happy?
Pleasure and comfort are misunderstood as Happiness.
I am fine here, but not happy…
One is really happy by following his/her dreams…Settling in USA can’t be the aim of life. Three things are necessary to be happy..
- C= Competence (yes I have done it…!!!)
- A= Autonomy (Yes…I have done it without anyone’s help)
- R= Relatedness (My near and dear ones are around me & supporting)
Money and comfort (in USA) can’t make you happy.
It’s high time to return back than to trapped here for the rest of your life.
Since kids are the basic reason people can’t go back. I would suggest that return to India, spend some time with parents, share the experiences of elders…trust me, It will make you happy.
Life in USA is “cut and dried” type.
Even Indians do not meet each other as in India. Social interactions are limited to Facebook (photo sharing) and a Desi get together in 2 Months.
24×7 husband and wife are literally alone….it’s no more privacy, but loneliness.
Going to the same Walmart, going to same Indian grocers, meeting same 3 families, for the rest of your life.
You can spend the rest of your life comfortably in this pattern. But this is what life is not all about !
Life is not about experiences. Get the experience of USA, no doubt about it, but get the exposure and play big with your life.
Many of my friends have dream of being an entrepreneur (including my spouse !!)
But they are too afraid to move out of their comfort zones. They fear taking risk and leave the comfort.
Yes, you came to USA, achieved enough for your need and luxury.
Is that the aim of your life?
Trust me, this can’t be. Try to introspect what you really want to do.
What is the aim of your life? Is it spending days, weeks, years in one same way for the next 40 years of your life can’t be your purpose of life.
Consider following two scenarios
Scenario 1:
A person got into IIT in first attempt. Came to US for MS (age 23 yrs) and then H1B, green card and citizenship.
Worked with the same company, got married, had children, India trips almost nil now.
Scenario 2:
Another person 2, got into IIT, campus placement into PSU, then realized Civil services is my cup of tea. Then cracked the exam two times.
In the mean time got married , stayed in USA for 3 yrs and went back and worked as a bureaucrat and in future may resign the job, and start something of own. Opportunities are endless.
So, whose life is rich in experiences?
Of course person 2.
I would not like to live the life of person(1). Some people die at 23(yrs) and buried at 80. Rather I would like to be dead until I die.
Don’t play too be safe with your life.
Don’t regret when time is out of your hands. Do everything, life is too short to play safe.
“On your death bed, you will not regret the things you have done, but those you did not”
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for..”
Find your passion and go for it.
Living in USA is a gives you exposure and can be a tool to achieve your purpose of life.
Only few lucky ones are fortunate enough to get this and most people out of these misunderstand this as the end of life.
Don’t stop and trapped in this country or you will regret rest of your life 5 years or 15 yrs in USA.
F1 Visa to H1B to Green Card to Citizenship. It’s all the same.. There is no best time to move back, best time is now. Go ahead with your decision.
Dream big. Achieve Big. Good luck.
YOU are making your life boring. Stop meeting only Desis, stop going to only Desi parties, stop trying to teleport your hometown back in US. You went there for the money, if you value your Desi roots more, come back; no one is stopping you. I am going to bet you would be crying to go back within a month. In a nutshell, stop whining and take control of your life.
this is a very very specific view and i disagree with most of it….
hope there are more people having the same view of life, and even if there arent i dont care as long as i chase the next horizon on my radar….. 
i agree with the part about taking risks and living life to the fullest and i also agree completely with the fact that its the things that you didnt do that you regret in life but this is an article by a particular kind of person…. i am of the opposite type…. i view a citizenship or address just as a geographical restriction and am of the view that home is where the heart is…. as the world is shrinking upon itself in trying to become a global village it doesnt matter whether you are in brazil or denver or mumbai, it only matters whether you are still looking to live your life or looking to “settle” in other words find the place where your life should end according to you…. for me life is about always chasing after the next horizon be it in education, work or personal life…. thats how i want to live my life…..
+1 Asif like ur thoughts!
Not Fade Away: Against the Myth of American Decline
http://www.brookings.edu/research/opinions/2012/01/17-us-power-kagan
What a beautiful article!
Exactly…You wanna REALLY live in America?
Then, become an American at heart. Take risks, explore opportunities, expand your mind, become an entrepreneur, try a new career…live your life to the fullest.
Otherwise you will just be an Indian with an American address and an American passport. In other words, you will be a lazy European and yawn away for the rest of your life
Well said Akshay…This is a real inspirational story…!!!
Thanks Abhishek ,Guarang, hari, Sriharsha and all other friends on HSB.
As many have pointed out that my articles are demotivating them from coming to USA. I wanted to clear that I had not posted such thoughts in my post. I suggested professionally educated youth to explore the opportunities. Higher studies in USA is great opportunity. Nail it and gain few years of experience (offcourse few thousand dollars as well… ).
Rather my post was directed to those amongst us who have made it (coming to USA) a aim of their life. And life ends as we land in USA. Don’t waste your youthful years in settling for something less than your potential. If you can, then don’t settle for mediocrity…
“ The greatest crime against humanity is playing small with your life.”
And I surely agree that the condition back home is not very favourable for many of us. Few of my friends (especially Female) have no place to go back. His/her parents are old, dependent and are staying with some of their married brother and sisters. So there is no home literally. Only parents visit USA every 2 years and stay for 6 months (which ofcourse is very difficult for people of their age without anyone to talk..this is the real problem with old age). And whether you get green card or citizenship, 90% of times, parents do not move to USA (even if they retire…they prefer visiting children rather than becoming dependent permanently by shifting their base to America)
I strongly agree and emphasize the point that people like us who are working in USA has done a great deal in financially supporting our families back home. But in my opinion, based on USA salary 5 years on H1B gives you decent savings after taking care of all your responsibilities back home in India. We pay all our loans, buy house for parents. Anything more than that is only greed and not need. Take the step.
The first step to change
is taking the first step.
As someone pointed out that I am complaining and not doing. For their Information I am an engineer from IIT , been in USA for last 3 years, cleared the most difficult civil services examination twice and currently successful bureaucrat in India…Because I chose not to wait till I get green card and returned back in time. I have No regrets from Life as I did what I wanted…I look forward to diversify my profile further….
This is not the end…
Life is too short to play small.
Be successful.
Even more importantly…
Be significant.
Good luck…
One totally different prespective i want to add. its a real life story.
my uncle did BSc in Computer Science; and MBA from India. it was of course the period of 80s when programmers flourished like never before and no other profession ever gave such prosperity ever. he joined one Uk based MNC as a programmer and then IBM and then Infy. he attained to Vice president post in 1990s. he resigned in 94 joined yet another Indian company as a President and CEO. in all these years he was almost always in USA though he didnt attend any US university. he resigned from his last company as presicent & CEO and established his own company in Chennai in 2009. today its main office is in USA, 5 offices in India and 4 offices in different countries. i am not in a liberty to tell u guys company name but he is earning AWEEESOME! he is always visiting different countries and expanding his business. he goes on family vacations all over the world at least 2 times a year! US was a great attraction for him he being grown up in a poor village, but he never weave his dreams around USA only. one of the major mistakes we students do is we make our final destination USA in our thoughts. we are always in awe about power and global influence of America and we decide to become citizen of it at any cost. USA should be a “means” to ur dream not the destination. coz when u make it ur destination u cease to become a larger than life figure. Becoming just one of America’s immigrant crowd is one thing and becoming a larger-than-life figure is another! Many ppl end up becoming ordinary US citizens instead of becoming something great. yes, my Uncle is somewhat extra-ordinary guy but very shocking thing about him is he NEVER attended any great university in India or abroad. yes he was in top 10 students at BSc and MBA level, thats it. No SOPs, no LORs, no purposefully enhancing resume to get into any University no major awards and recognizations or no community service etc etc but he is much more wealthy and well established than his close friend who did BE and MBA from Stanford! i always believe in one thing, if you are determined and focussed to ur aim, if your thoughts are crystal clear about what to achieve you dont need any top University’s stamp to get recognization, you will surely reach to the top. all you need to do is use Kizen technique for ur goals until they became so clear to you. keep thinking on it, keep improving & modifying ur perspective. i can surely tell you ppl belonging to this category are very very less in this world and they are BORN leaders, no University can produce such ppl ever. my this answer is related to this article only. i have depicted in front of you a real picture of a person who has achieved things in life w/o aiming towards any specific country. main thing is
Hi all,
I went through all comments. I would say all who are negetive had made their life a hell that is why you are having such problems. A brief about me when I came to USA i was 25 I was brought by a wealthy couple from India who needed domestic help.
converted into blog post at http://www.happyschoolsblog.com/stop-whining-about-american-lifestyle/
Really thoughtful and shaking the mindset of a young! Thanks for sharing.. certainly changed my perspective and opened up my mind! :=)
every people have different prospects of life , their way of thinking etc we cant compare to anyone else. some may think of exploring the world until no confinement. Thou from childhood , staying in same country feels quotidian and humdrum which can result in mental and physical apathy and moreover, we aspect auspicious article from HSB not those articles which can create adverse effect on someone’s mind.
Raghu .. As we all know you have been in US for quite some time. We all would love to hear your honest opinion about your experiences in US.that may lift spirits of the viewers
I’m all in for higher education in foreign countries, not just USA.
ok idk if whoever this person who left the comment/converted to blog is actuallly appreciating his life there. if you have the money and the opportunity why dont you travel atleast all the USA??? why are you whining about meeting 3 families? why do you not visit new places on weekends or take vacations and go to new places and meet new people?? Why do you want to waste your time there complaining? why are you nt making most of it??
please do.. either you make most of it personally or professionaly or rather in both the avenues, but please do. and please stop complaining!!
I have a follow up post in draft and I had the exact line of questions that you have posted. I wanted to see the responses for this article and write a follow-up post.
I fully agree with you. And I wish to add entrepreneurship is all about ideas and good timing, we all want a nice start-up somewhere, question is what are its chances of success. There is a risk and no one can answer that question for you, so lets stop trying to get everyone on the same side like a herd of sheep. About life …its all about how you make it, we don’t feel lonely at all – Much to the contrary we enjoy it and to be honest if someone asked me to pack my bags and return sorry the answer will be a big ‘No’ as what I dread is the chaos on the road, what I dread is the corruption in day to day life, what I dread is the staring and teasing on the road with my girls, what I dread are the power cuts, what I dread is the water shortage, what I dread is the garbage, what I dread is my own relatives poking their noses whenever they feel like, what I dread is the torture my children will go through in getting admissions and above all what I dread is that there are no solutions to all this in the near future. If I can live a life without these hassles why not!!! After all you live only once, so thank your stars that you did something in your life and made it.
Hi All,
I’m posting this comment copied from my comment on FB page of HSB.
The best advice I could give to the author get social, engage in American ways of living and behave like Roman while in Italy, otherwise simply go back (Don’t forget to tell fellow desis that u were completely unable to adjust with american way of life.)
There are ample reasons why I talked offensively, someone may think.
1st of all It’s necessary for someone to kick ass of people who are pissed off their life just to rejuvenate them. However, I don’t know whether the author is browsing over these comments.
2ndly, Some people in FB were talking about adjusting makes someone in herd ( or staying in USA with so many sacrifices) which is strictly no-no for a budding entrepreneur. Let me tell u another true story. Pablo Picasso (a great painter in modern times) was once asked by someone from UK whether he could actually draw anything sensible in conventional way of painting. U know what- Pablo painted a picture, which is still indistinguishable from the actual figure. It’s same everywhere. The bottom-line is that if you are actually a big thinker, innovator etc u should be proficient in conventional stuffs, know their problems and then go for new ways of thinking.
And yes I do think that ADJUSTING IS A GREAT SKILL. Getting over with cultural shock is utmost important. It’s not just about study, job and recognizing some Indian faces every weekend. If you can’t come out of your own known window how do u believe that u can be an actual entrepreneur!
In addition, I worked for a “reputable” PSU before coming here and I know that some persons in India (talking about prestige in civil services and PSU etc) basically hanker after being called as “Sirji” (or shit of British!) which I strongly , vehemently dislike to call upon anyone who the hell he is and worthless life (not synonymous with peaceful life).
And one last thing- I still don’t believe India has ushered into a new era of development and concerned opportunities.
+1
You nailed it man. It hurts many people’s ego. Whether they agree or not it’s truth. They may not see it now but once you reach 60s, there is nothing left. No one in India cares about you anymore and no one cares in USA. Only link you have is your kids. They are fighting their struggle. Then you look back and what a mess you have created for your self.. All this for what?
I agree with Akshay , Harsha, Sumit and Rajarshi
About Rishabh: Dear Sir, I fully agree with your story and congratulate you for achieving a great success in the field of entrepreneurship. As I pointed out in my article, you have achieved big in your life and your success is an inspiration for every one in a similar situation. You worked hard and achieved success in your field.
But my article was mostly concerned with the technically educated youth who still have to explore the possibilities in this world. They definitely have to find their real aim in life as you did.
The point I was making is the absence of social life. If you have people around you then you will definitely be happy in USA too. You are not going to miss India. But as far as I know the engineering professionals of my age (around 30 yrs) have contacts with max 5 indian families. And we never visit each other unannounced as in india. The social interaction is as formal as can be with any american family. You meet every month but could not connect heart to heart.
In any desi get together party we attend, there is the following pattern:
Party start at 7 pm, people arrive around 7.30 pm. At max 15 people (6-7 desi families) assemple. By 8.30 pm talks are finished. So we head for dinner. By 9.00 pm dinner is over. So everyone is bored. So the host start some game (any desi game, card game, or some movie) just to make the party enjoyable. But as usual families starts leaving by 9.30 pm.
I described this in so much detail just to emphasize the point that we actually have nothing to talk about. When I came from India to USA, I had so much to talk, becoz of our daily social interaction with people. But not now. Today also I call home. Its my parents who have things to tell me. I am turning into a less-interesting person day by day.
I was known to be a lively person.
The basic point is at the age of 45-50+ you will be lonely. And as an elder who should be full of experiences, But that will not be the case. And then you have two options
1. Stay in big home in USA. Scenic view, clear air and water, all medical facilities. Children will be married and staying in different cities. If you are fortunate spouse will be in god health or in worst case the death of spouse. Few visits by children. Perfect state of loneliness. No option of going back to india.
2. In India: You as an experienced elder will get much social circle outside house to share your experiences which you have gained in all these years. Even if children are away, you are not lonely. You still contribute to society.
Let me tell you one thing as an engineer, a well read person in psychology and sociology and an aware human being, talking is the only thing you can do at old age. It has been said many times
“Marry the one with whom you can talk since when you are old this will keep you together”
Let me share with you Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
5.Self actualization
4Self esteem need:respect by others
3Love and belongingness need: family & friends
2Safety need: Safety of body, employment and property
1.Physiological need: Breathing, food, water, sleep, sex, excretion
The lowest need need to be filled for the arise of next higher need.
Staying in USA fulfills our physiological need very successfully, Safety need is also fulfilled here.
Love and belongingness is partially fulfilled since most of the times parents are back in India.
Esteem need arise only when love/belongingness need is fulfilled. So in most of the people it does not arise. Working in private sector 9-5 (certainly with exceptions of few entrepreneurs.) esteem need never arise as they never rise above the belonging need..
In India if you are in a decent job you can reach upto esteem needs. People clearing civil services exams in India, not for money, but for prestige. Its for self esteem need. And Very few amonst us rise upto self actualization stage.. that too very late.. But there are few who reach the last stage by the sight of many europeans in cities like rishikesh etc….
Living in same corner of country for next 40 years of life (in USA), with wife and children around in my opinion is similar to working for a small company in peaceful town (eg. nainital) in uttarakhand. Scenic beauty, happy life, more time to spend with family, less time to be spend on driving, no pollution. All things similar.
But for me the added advantage (in India) is the presence of parents on weekends atleast. I would be looking forward for every weekend, which I dont do in USA.
As someone said, its a matter of personal choice. If someone has a option and willingness to explore his/her capabilities, then take risk. Else most people manage to get older without much difficulty. Not everyone can lead a fulfilling life. Not everyone has option of thinking the question “Am i happy??”
“People confuse breathing with living”
I simply don’t want to die as a common man.
“If I try I might, If I Don’t I Wont”
I am sure there will be few among us who think about life more than just earning money. This article is dedicated to those.
@Civil:- Without money what can you achieve in this world?
Don’t act funny..
USA is heaven.. India is ZERO compared to the US… Plz don’t demotivate students following such a nice blog.
This article is majorly concerned with students who go to US for Masters and do job & get married and do same job for years on H1B while awaiting for a Green Card. Yes one has to stick to the same employer for years on the same post due to H1B glitches. (in India ppl can switch jobs so fast.) Lonliness, routine life all things are perfectly true and i dont think anyone in US right now can deny them. as long as your passion towards your career drives you, you dont feel lonly even if you live on Antarctica. But indians are more family & relatives oriented and love to spend time in functions, gatherings, get togethers and religious ceremonies. so it can be understood if some of them feel totally isolated in USA. also, even though u r driven by passion to do something great in ur chosen field and you want to work harder and harder, u definately have to give up socialization from Indian context as it doesnt exist in USA. Someone Punjabi Hotel owner was telling about how he has maintained indian cultural status quo…but to my opinion if a person migrates he loses so many things and since culture, social structure etc are drastically different in every country let their children adapt to new culture instead of enforcing on them desi culture, because if you want to have kids that are brought up like you were raised you should bring them up in the same country. if not let them be american in american style. because afterall they gonna live their for life. few essential sanskaars are okay as they reflect their roots, but many parents try to enforse indian style lifestle on them which starts creating distance between parents and children. and as they grow old on relationship ceases to exist. i know real life examples in our relatives. and i can say, at the age of 50-60 Indian Americans have at least some level of repentance for leaving India even though they have all the comforts. things which might feel stupid right now, matter them most at that age. America is all about materialism and Indians at core are NOT materialistic! thay hunger for affection, love, sympathy, care, sense of belongingness, togetherness etc. its been repeatedly proved that materalism can attract you, engage you in it but not perpetually. you have to be extremely selfish, self centered and greedy to derive ultimate levels of satisfaction from materalism. Sooner or later, that point comes in their life when abovementioned things take over career ambitions and passions-to prove urself in US! and boy! when that happens ppl really feel shattered and at that time doors to return to India are almost closed. so better find what type of person you are at the CORE and then decide whether to settle in US forever or to have fun for few years and then return. and besides this one very important point is, america is on the verge of collapse! its surely heading towards a giant economic catastrophe! i hope HSB in future will educate ppl about whats really going on in US economy and how impendig global economic collapse is iminant, as US university applicants are ignorant to such things!
Life is too short !! Doing the same s***t for years and years take some risks getting in to new things in life, if clicked you win if not you will learn a lesson and start something new again !!!
Happiness is very relative. But I agree with most of the points.
“Going to the same Walmart, going to same Indian grocers, meeting same 3 families, for the rest of your life”- I dont know why these three things are the only things you should be doing the rest of your life..
Its quite biased. No comments.
the biggest side-effect of staying l-o-n-g ( longer than you need ) in usa is ABCD. period.
The post addresses only one side of reality.
Different people have different aims and priorities. So, the choice of country differs. US promotes individualism, whereas India is more about collectivism. So, it’s all about an individual’s choice about what kind of life he wants, collective or individualistic.
I guess you are at wrong place with wrong people. I don’t know why today’s Indian generation behave differently when they come to US. I don’t know why they forget that at the end they are Indians and they will be Indians. I enjoy equally or I guess more in USA then in India. I earn much better then India and I enjoy this. It has been 23 years I am here and have a group size of more then 500 Indian Families. Remember I am talking of families not individuals. I don’t miss India when I am here. Today still I have the same Indian habits as I had 23 years back. USA did not change me a bit. An unannounced arrival of a Indian Family at my home almost daily is common with me. We celebrate as we use to celebrate in India. We meet as we use to meet in India. About Indian culture I have an Indian wife and she behaves same as normal working lady in India. I have 4 Children we have brought up as I was brought up. All my children have excellent command over Hindi and Punjabi. You can not differentiated in an Indian Punjabi Boy/Girl born and brought up in India and my children. About Visiting India, we steal time and visit India at least twice a year. My Nephew who is in India but is working in a different city visits his home once in two year. So I guess I am better then him. I was almost illiterate when i came here. I use to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant but today I own a restaurant. Boy don’t forget you are an Indian. Definitely you are at a wrong place with wrong people. And most important I WILL NEVER REGRET AT MY DEATH BED THAT WHY DID I SETTLE IN USA? I guess coming to USA was best decision of my life. It has given me that thing which India would never had given me. So think twice!!!
Sirji.. you said “All my children have excellent command over Hindi and Punjabi. You can not differentiated in an Indian Punjabi Boy/Girl born and brought up in India and my children”.
I would say your case is more of an exception. For an average Indian family settled in USA, imparting the same values into our kids as we had when we were brought up in India is the biggest struggle. It is more of an himalayan effort from our part as compared to a natural occurence if the chi;ld was brought up in India.
Priorities are different for different people. For some people, “dream big, achieve big”, might mean staying in the US/Europe to experience better living and make more money. For some, it might mean forgoing these worldly pleasures and going back to India. You definitely cannot paint anyone living in the US/Europe as unhappy, just because you feel that way.
Raghu
I would only like to know 1 thing ..is the above post your view or view of an anonymous author ?
Listed in the first line of the article.
This stupid, one-dimensional, pathetic, grammatically incorrect, incoherent, cheesy, cheap, cliched article written from prospective of some “Save all Money you earn even if you have to stay with your kids and parents in 1 BHK” indians is shouting on top of my head to unsubscribe from this site and save my soul from such rubbish journalism.
Jai Hind!!!
@Manish – Exactly said. HSB is demotivating students and preventing them from entering USA. India is nowhere compared to USA. Period.
HA HA HSB and demotivating Indian Students????? gimme a break!!
What do u mean by motivation ? Giving u a rosy picture about U.S.A. …
Face the reality dude…. If u want to make a difference then u have to learn to be tough..